The Splurge Score: How to Decide What's Actually Worth It
When I was planning my own wedding, I was convinced we needed 50 lawn games. I am talking every lawn game that has ever existed, scattered across the grass. Then came a little come-to-Jesus moment, and the truth: people would have been perfectly happy with one cornhole set.
What I did splurge on, in my own way, was the ceremony. I bought 30 trees on sale for $15 each and filled the space with them. It was very impactful. And at the end of the night, every guest I was very close with took a tree home.
I tell that story because it holds the whole lesson of wedding budgeting. Some of the things we are most excited about are the things nobody would miss, and some of the most meaningful choices cost far less than we expect. The trick is knowing which is which, and making the decision without tying yourself in knots over it.
Begin With What Guests Remember
Before any line item, I want you to ground yourself in one question: is this actually something people genuinely care about? Especially if you are a people pleaser, it is easy to get carried away imagining everything your guests could possibly want.
Across my 100-plus weddings, guests care about four things: how they felt, what they ate and drank, whether they danced, and the two of you.
How they felt. It starts at arrival. Were they welcomed? Could they get where they needed to go easily? Smooth wayfinding starts the experience off ten times better than spending a ton of money on champagne the moment they arrive. Comfort matters too: was it hot, was it cold, was water easy to reach? Water stations and late-night coffee before guests drive home are the things to splurge on.
What they ate and drank. You know I love a good tablescape more than anything. But the reality is: could they sit down? Did they have elbow room? Could they eat? How fast was service? Did they have bread the moment they sat down? I love a good bread and butter.
Whether they danced. Even if you are not a dancing couple, guests want to let loose and celebrate. That comes down to music, lighting and the energy in the room, which is why splurging on a great DJ is so often worth it.
You two. This is the core. Your guests took time off work, bought something to wear and traveled to spend the whole day with you. Did they get to see you? Watch you dance? Hear you give a toast? Take a picture of you?
Try this on your next date night: tell your partner you are running an experiment, and evaluate the whole experience from start to finish. When you parked, when you walked in, when you sat down, what you ate and why you liked the service. That is the same experience your guests are about to have at your wedding, just a little more elaborate.
The Splurge Score
When a decision has you going in circles, simplify it down. This is the system I use with my personal planning clients when we are struggling to decide what matters, or when someone realizes they are $4,000 over in one area and needs to know where it comes from.
Score each line item from one to three in four categories: Feel it, See it, Live it, Love it.
Category | The question | What it covers |
Feel it | Will your guests, or you, actually experience it? | Food, bar, comfort, flow, music |
See it | Will it live on in your photos? | The details you will look back on |
Live it | How long will it be experienced? | A 30-minute ceremony vs. a five-hour reception |
Love it | Does it matter to you? | The one that can override everything else |
A few notes on each:
Feel it. Bridesmaid bouquets are beautiful, and they appear in a few photos as everyone comes down the aisle. But they are experienced by only a few people, briefly, so I tend to rank them lower than things the majority of your guests will experience.
See it. Some people say nobody cares what the napkins look like. I disagree. Everything is being photographed, and you are going to look back at those photos and think, yes, that was beautiful, and I chose that.
From behind the lens: This is why I never dismiss the small details. I photograph them, and they become part of how you remember the day. If you spend on details, protect at least ten minutes on the timeline for your photographer to capture them. That time is what makes the spending worth it.
Live it. A ceremony lasts around 30 minutes; a reception lasts around five hours. If you are deciding where the money goes, I would lean toward the reception.
Love it. Sometimes this matters more than everything else. Scratch the rest. If a bouncy house is the most important thing in the world to you, and you only use it for 20 minutes, and not every guest goes in it, who cares? That is what matters to you.
Reading Your Score
Total | What it means | What to do |
10 to 12 | You know you want it | Book it, and do not stress over it 100 more times |
7 to 9 | Where almost everything lives | Weigh it, and ask people you trust what they would do |
4 to 6 | Lower priority | Do not give it a second thought |
The point of the numbers is to make a choice without attaching too much emotion to it. Honestly, the majority of wedding stress comes from being so connected to every single detail that it becomes overwhelming, and burnout happens. A number lets you make the call in black and white.
And the middle range is the right place to ask for opinions. If you are confident, other people's opinions do not matter much. In the middle, they can help.
A Live Example
On one of my live calls, a member was debating whether to have a restaurant drop off food and leave, or pay for staff to serve the buffet. We scored it together:
Feel it: 3. Every guest experiences dinner.
See it: 1. Buffet service is not really going to be in the photos.
Live it: 2. It varies. Without service workers, a buffet can stretch as long as 90 minutes. With them, it can move in as little as 40.
Love it: 2. She loved the idea of more food options, but said she would be okay without them.
That is an 8, right in the middle, which means it deserves a little more digesting. When we polled the call, the votes were split. My most unbiased opinion, as someone who has worked in service: the faster food gets to people, the better, because that means more dancing and mingling time and less sitting and waiting. But the Love it category is often what settles a middle score, and that part belongs to the couple.
The planner's note: Do the Splurge Score together, as a couple, not separately. I find it is a fun date night. And partners surprise each other: sometimes one of you says, "Actually, that really matters to me," about something the other never considered.
Where the Money Really Moves
Once you know your priorities, it helps to understand how wedding costs behave.
Cost type | Examples | What that means for you |
Flat fee | Photographer, DJ | Costs the same no matter your guest count |
Per head | Food, drinks, rentals, centerpieces, stationery | Multiplies with every guest, so this is where you save the most |
Flat fee vendors are hard to save on, because the price is the price. But there are two things worth trying: watch for seasonal deals, and ask whether they offer a discount if you pay in full or pay in cash. In my experience, almost everybody says they could do something for you if you ask. I love those big asks. It may feel a little weird, but you have to ask.
Per head items are where you can be extra conscious, because small changes multiply. At the bar, cutting even $3 per guest makes a huge difference.
Swaps That Free Up Budget
Rethink the ceremony arch. It is a short moment with big photo impact, which makes it one of the first places I look. One-sided arch pieces stuffed with greenery, pedestals or grounded florals can frame the ceremony and then move to the reception. Chiffon drapery can run about $30 for what you need. And if you do spend on one ceremony piece, make it the arch rather than the aisle, because most of your ceremony photos happen there.
Decorate the ends of the aisle, not the whole length. The start and the end of the aisle matter most. I was once quoted $1,000 for aisle petals, and we ditched them.
Skip $300 of favors and put it toward uplighting. Candlelight and uplighting are the cheapest upgrades in weddings.
Pick one place setting upgrade first. Place settings add up fast because they are per head. Chargers in particular can be a big upcharge that is not always worth it. A unique place card shape gives you impact for very little.
Use premium spirits only in your signature cocktails, with well beverages for everything else. A fun garnish or a custom stirrer makes a simple drink feel special.
Serve a sheet cake from the kitchen, with one small display cake for the cutting photo.
From behind the lens: If you keep florals at the base of the aisle, your photographer can shoot through them for depth, so the swap often makes for better photos, too.
Then reroute what you saved toward something guests will remember. If that $1,000 that would have gone into an arch becomes a fire dancer or an awesome bar upgrade, I think that is really worth doing. Imagine debating chargers versus a fire dancer. One of those is cooler. And memorable entertainment sometimes costs less than you would imagine.
Giving Every Dollar a Job
Inside The Wedding Talk Membership, the Budget Builder is where the Splurge Score turns into a plan. You set your budget and your priorities, and it gives you realistic per-vendor numbers for your location, which matters more than most couples expect: a centerpiece in Manhattan and a centerpiece in a small farm town cost very different amounts. Then you track your spending as you plan, so when something scores a 12, you can see exactly where the room for it comes from.
Every wedding involves some sacrifice, unless you have millions of dollars. The goal is to make each one on purpose, then let it go and enjoy what you chose.
Happy Planning!
Lynea
